Recently in Crimes Against Wine Category

Why, we wonder, can't people just leave wine the way it is? First they added sugar-free sweetener to it. Now we have a "new wine craze" straight out of Cherry Valley, Ohio: Fruiteasers. Emerine Estates Winery has created a line of wine that uses a base such as chardonnay, riesling or merlot then adds in various fruits including apple, peach, blueberry and pineapple to create "exotic fruit wines." Now, we don't mind old-fashioned wines made out of fruit (other than grapes). But why boost wines that naturally may have notes such as pineapple (riesling) or blueberries (merlot) with actual fruit? Or in the case of Seduction, a pinot noir with coffee, mocha, vanilla, cherries and chocolate. Are the wines themselves not enough?

More of the head-scratching offerings here - Strawberry Shortcake Wine anyone? Speaking of cake, this wine definitely takes it: "As seen on TV, its true (sic!), a 100% pure Chardonnay with Amish butter." No, we're not making this up. The name of the wine? Tear Drops. How a propos.

Sometimes things are wrong on so many levels, it's hard to figure out where to begin. Case in point - Slender Wine. Apparently, some folks in Indiana thought it would be a good idea to make "Sweetened Wine" with a sugar substitute called Zerose. And if that isn't bizarre enough, there's this - the wine will be in the gift bags at the Oscars!

The wine comes in three varieties - white, blush and red - and is produced by a winery called Chateau Thomas outside Indianapolis. Apparently, the winery itself has been around for 24 years but after 2 years of "research and experimentation," Slender Wines were born. And how did that happen? Well, check out the most surreal winery video ever...

From the website:

Sweetened with Zerose® , a natural sweetener which has zero calories, a zero glycemic index, no carbs, no fats.

The world's only naturally sweetened wines. A wine for those who don't want or can't have sugar...

No Sugar
No Carbs
No Fats
No After-taste
No Kidding!

Our question is why would anyone want "naturally sweetened wine" in the first place? 

A while back, we slapped Perbacco on the wrist for selling warm wine and placing candles in front of wine bottles. Unfortunately, new restaurant Sorella (95 Allen Street) is another offender. We slipped in for a glass of wine the other day and were impressed by the design and the attention to detail in everything from an interesting wine selection to the printed materials. Then we looked up to see wine everywhere.

Folks, we can't stress enough that you store wine for customers properly. Having wine stored on shelves lit by candles is pretty but it's not wine we want to drink. Even worse, when the temperature control on the room's thermostat is set in the upper 70s, we get really concerned for the wine.

The winelist is heavily skewed towards Northern Italy (good) but very pricey (bad). Since the cooking is skewed towards Piemontese, the region wines are well represented. Unfortunately, bottles under $50 are in short supply and the bulk of the reds from Piedmont were over $80. Wines by the glass tend towards the obscure, which is fine, but nothing we tried was really delicious. Prices by the glass, $10 to $17, would be fair if the pours were more generous. Right now they skimpy.

We'd heard a lot of good things about Perbacco (234 E. 4th Street), so we popped in recently for dinner and ordered a bottle of red wine without a second thought. Then we noticed something odd - the wine was warm in the glass. It seemed the glasses themselves were warm so we had them replaced. New glasses arrived after several minutes and we were each poured wine - but the wine was still warm. Then we felt the bottle. Warm. Normally we'd ask for another bottle but in this particular situation it was not an option and the wine was quite drinkable, especially after it cooled off a bit. The culprit? Wine stored on shelves in the open - with votives in front of them keeping them nice and toasty. Message to restaurant owners - store your wine properly! If you do it for "atmosphere," use those bottles as decor only - don't serve them to customers!

As for the surprise two stars the restaurant received from the New York Times? Talk about a headscratcher of a review. Only the prices seemed to be at a two-star level. The cooking, mainly deconstructed Italian dishes, was okay but flavors and deliciousness were lost in the deconstruction process and the service was just average. We poured our own wine all night. There are plenty of better 1 star places.

If you know of other crimes against wine, or any other booze, drop us a line or leave a comment.